for better or worse

sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo i finally have calmed myself enough to attempt to write something. when ian and i were married we said we were going to support each other through everything. the ups, the down, the good, the bad, for better or worse. 

this has been a week that has tested me. but not ian. not our relationship. and i am thankful EVERY, SINGLE DAY for our love. our commitment. and the encouragement i get by the most wonderful man in the world. i am in awe of how amazing he is.

i guess you could say i am going through a quarter-life crisis of sorts.

tuesday was the most stress, awful, horrible, no-good day that i have had in the past few years. i took the NPTE [national physical therapy exam]. and i am not feeling confident about my performance. on top of all the other stressful happenings of the day including: 

-my car not starting

-getting next to no sleep

-almost not getting to take the exam [due to id difficulties]

  **causing high panic & anxiety

-my phone being dropped and completely dead after the exam

-having to walk in the pouring rain - sans umbrella or coat

-leaving one of my FAVORITE scarves at the testing center

-learning that my grandmother is ill, needing a stent placement and was admitted to the hospital that day

i won't know for a few days the results of the exam. right now i do not have high hopes of passing. which is heart breaking. everything i have worked so hard for not being realized. and the disappointing feeling that i let down my family, school, husband, and co-workers. i felt so completely over prepared yet like i knew nothing all at the same time. i genuinely feel that i did everything i could to best prepare for this exam. right now is the waiting game. and as tom petty always said: the waiting is the hardest part. it is terrifying. i don't know what impact this could have on our financial planning and my potential dream career in pediatrics. 

sooooooooooooooooooo that brings us to wednesday. 

i wake up to the doorbell. and a freaking blizzard. my goodness! ian had flowers delivered and a sweet note for me with surprises planned each day for me between when he left {wed} and when he gets back {fri}

so i am feeling like the luckiest girl ever. despite having to shovel alone [ian has totally lucked out with the whole shoveling business during our first year of home ownership] i have been trying to stay positive today. but i am not going to lie is hasn't been pretty around here. lots of crying.  and lots of watching say yes to the dress.

but no matter what:

1. it is only an exam

2. i got married to the most amazing man

3. everything happens for a reason

so i leave you with this song. that i love. that ian reminds me of daily. it is crazy how loved i feel. i know that it doesn't matter what job i have. or how much money i make. ian loves me so unconditionally. and we will make it through everything together. and be stronger for it. because everything i'll ever be. i already am. 

  everything you'll ever be: john mayer

Beautiful, I watch you try,
To see yourself through other's eyes.

But mirrors are a losing game,

They only show you backwards anyway.

The magic and the misery,

Come and go so easily.

But everything you'll ever be,

You already are to me.